Free Xavier

Get Busy Livin'...

2007-03-24T03:01:00.000-04:00

As I read through the police notes in the Xavier Newswire over a week ago, a particular note happened to catch my eye. According to the student run publication, four "subjects" were reported for trying to move a boulder into the middle of Dana Avenue. While this was obviously an incredibly stupid idea, I still find myself wanting to support the actions of these students. We’re in college (allegedly) and students should be doing stupid shit like this.

Xavier students are increasingly demonstrating Sisyphusian tendencies.

Let’s cut to 20 years in the future. You’re forty-something, sitting at home, watching reruns of Boy Meets World because you feel like something went wrong in your life and you must have misunderstood Mr. Feeny’s lessons. You hate your job, your wife is probably a bitch, and ever since your son, Little Johnny Jr., turned 6 years old he decided that hitting you in the nuts is more entertaining than Sponge Bob. The only thing that will get you through your hellish existence is college memories.

Thank Krishna that you have me here to get your life on track. It’s not too late to create these memories as long as you’re willing to get a little crazy. Get in fights when some douche bag at a party starts to piss you off. Drink so much that you have to talk to your roommates in the morning to figure out how the night ended. Go streaking, smoke weed, spend money you don’t even have, take the walk of shame every once in a while (what's really more shameful: ass from a stranger or your roommate catching you whacking off). Some people even move past 1st base during their college years.

Now I’m not telling you to run through your dorm after you finish reading this, knocking on all the doors until you gather enough people for an orgy. That’s senior type stuff anyway, we’re talking three hundred course level craziness. Just start out slow and don’t be afraid to have fun. Hopefully, if any of you readers (the "readers" I refer to may or may not exist) follow this advice then the police notes will be just a little more interesting in weeks to come. And maybe, just maybe, Xavier student life will follow.

People still care what we think?

2007-03-24T01:48:00.000-04:00

As you can see from an editorial published in this week's Xavier Newswire, people are still talking about us, spefically "An Ode to Oden."

We could say more about this, but we figure that since this editorial is like the first supportive thing we've read about ourselves thus far, we'll try and let it speak for itself.

Chinese Food: Deadlier than Bird Flu?

2007-03-22T17:27:00.000-04:00

With Xavier’s newest addition to campus dining having recently opened, many students will undoubtedly be trying the Blue Gibbon Chinese Restaurant’s fine cuisine over the next few days. That being said, I feel a few words of warning are necessary to any prospective restaurant goers. Chinese food WILL KILL YOU!

The chopstick is mightier than the sword

According to an Associated Press article “The typical Chinese restaurant menu is a sea of nutritional no-nos...” The article went on to add “A plate of General Tso's chicken, for example, is loaded with about 40 percent more sodium and more than half the calories an average adult needs for an entire day.” I don’t know about you, reader, but I was SHOCKED to find out how unhealthy this particular dining experience may be.

Every time I order the shrimp fried rice from Happy Wok, sure I worry I may get food poisoning. And every time I take a bite of Main Moon’s Mongolian beef, do I know for sure that I’m not consuming a bit of seasoned schnauzer? Of course not. But if you’re trying to tell me that deep fried pieces of chicken covered in a sweet syrupy glaze could be a potential health risk, well I’m just not buying it Miss Bonnie Liebman (nutrition director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest). I refuse to give any more credence to your craziness by supporting your hocus pocus theories.

And as for you China... I knew all along you were stealing our jobs by trying to convince us to outsource to your country. And not just the Mexican type jobs either, but the really good ones too. It also didn’t go unnoticed that you were trying to take over the world with your crazy communist ideas. But if I find out that you are attempting to kill me with your delicious yet deadly food... Well that’ll be the last straw. Until then China, thanks for most of my shoes, my car, and any children’s toy I’ve ever bought that only cost $0.99.

It's all downhill from here probably

2007-03-22T16:28:00.000-04:00

I know Aramis just promised there would be no more posts relating to "An Ode to Oden," but frankly, that'd be like telling Trent Dilfer to talk about something besides winning the Super Bowl.

Anyway, over the last few days, while I've been trying to reconcile myself with the fact that more than 5 people visited this blog, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. And by soul searching I mean trying to determine the answer to the question, "If FreeXavier was a musical group, what musical group would it be?"

After contemplating this for 3 seconds, the answer seems obvious. The muscial group equivalent to FreeXavier is....

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. An obscure group, who out of nowhere, gets enormous attention for something small, and never had a prayer of repeating that level of success/popularity. Though I guess if anyone were to actually think about any of this, they'd probably be committing suicide within the hour due to the overwhelming patheticness of their existence.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

I can't deny it, I'm a blog writer, You don't wanna blog with me

2007-03-22T03:03:00.000-04:00

I hope to be done talking about the "Ode to Oden" article after this post but why not take one last look at it in order to make fun of some people stupid enough to disagree with me on my own blog. I mean really, did you think you would get away with it? A big "Thank you" goes out to Deadspin.com, Musketeer Madness, and FlyersFieldhouse for the free publicity for our relatively unknown site.

We have mad street cred now yo.

- Allflyernamesaregone on Flyers Fieldhouse had this to say: "Homophobia and stupidity...well, what else would you expect from a Xavier fan."
Well Allflyer, I personally would expect an ass beating as part of the XU-UD tradition as of late. I’d also expect that the Xavier fan was doing my girl friend because if I went to UD I’d be far too drunk 99% of the time to keep up a meaningful relationship. The latter is actually a compliment. Seriously... Xavier needs more parties.

- An anonymous poster on FreeXavier said: "You are the lowest form of life. I can see that you make a sick attempt to be edgy and funny but, it was completely out of line and not funny. Do us all a favor and take a good hard look at yourself in mirror and do some soul searching. We have enough unfunny keyboard tough guys on the internet."
Excellent anonymous advice. I tried to look "in mirror" at myself and do some soul searching. Unfortunately, being the lowest form of life, I am some kind of one prokaryotic cell who is incapable of both. Sucks to be me.

- Another anonymous individual on Free Xavier posted: "Maybe if your coach knew his elbows from his asshole he would have fouled after the miss free throw..."
Funny you mentioned this. Just the other day I accidentally opened an occupied stall in Xavier’s student center only to find a student kneeling in front of the toilet, elbows extended over the bowl trying to take a crap. Apparently, it isn’t just our coach who is afflicted with this horrible condition.

- TheGreatOne posted this comment on Deadspin.com: "Xavier is jealous because most of their women have facial hair like Oden and none of the basketball talent."
That is a flat out LIE! Quite a few of our female students are very athletic including on the basketball court.

-BigTenObsession responded to a comment by the blogger Lady Andrea by saying: "Andie, any time you mention the word 'job' you make a lot of boys happy."
I still don’t get why people think bloggers are creepy, lonely guys who live with their parents and do nothing but sit in front of a computer all day long. Damn stereotypes.

- The bloggers of Musketeer Madness had... absolutely nothing worthwhile to say on the topic. The exception here is Chris Burch. He supports us apparently while still understanding that we here at FreeXavier are a bunch of idiots who aren’t trying to change the world, just make fun of some people. He gets it... Why can’t the rest of you?

And to those of you who were completely outraged by our blog, thank you for voicing your outrage thereby keeping the discussions on the various websites alive so that more people could read our blog and in turn be outraged which resulted in more posts of anger and outrage and... O my God! How do I finish this sentence???

Has anyone seen Porthos?

2007-03-22T00:42:00.000-04:00

Has anyone seen anyone resembling this caricature of our anonymous blogger?

The other night, while Aramis and I were reveling in the glory of being lambasted by mostly illiterate, hypersensitive OSU fans, we got a little bit carried away, and we lost track of our colleauge, Porthos. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause anyone, but it looks like this is going to be a two musketeer show for awhile. Though I guess for like 4 months it was a 0 musketeer show. I'm sure you'll cope.

Porthos is about 6 ft. tall and dresses like a 18th Century French soldier (he especially likes the crotch-hugging pants, as depicted above). Any help you could provide in this matter would be appreciated.

I Know You Are But What Am I???

2007-03-20T23:24:00.000-04:00

When I wrote "An Ode To Oden" last night, I never imagined that it would end up on Deadspin.com. Furthermore, I could not have foreseen the outpouring of comments that would spew forth from the internet blogger community. Therefore, I was pleasantly surprised when I read all the comments posted on the both Deadspin as well as Freexavier. I came up with the article name "An Ode To Oden" at the last second before posting not knowing how perfect the name would fit in the end.

The comments that were posted seemed to fall into one of the following categories:
1. You sir are an illiterate assbag as well as a whiny little bitch. Shut the fuck up. (1st place for most common response)
2. FreeXavier is a disgrace to Xavier and you should be ashamed of what you wrote.
3. I agree, it was a flagrant foul and Oden is a douche bag. (I think about 2 people went this route.)

Pro-Ohio St. blog commenters discuss their battle plans

Excitingly enough, I have a response for each of the above groups so here goes.
Group 1: Congratulations. You proved my point better than anyone else. Your vulgar ranting about what an ass I am puts you on the same level as me for writing the article. The only difference is that I angered a lot of you with my words and you humored me with yours. For as angry as some of you got about what I said, I’m glad I could give you that feeling. It’s exactly how Xavier fans felt watching their team lose a game that they obviously deserved to win.
Group 2: Xavier is a Jesuit institution and while attending this school, I have had the pleasure to meet some great individuals who are a lot better human beings than I will ever hope to be. I apologize if you feel I brought shame to you. With that in mind, guess what Oden did... That’s right. Playing in such a thug-like manner disgraced The Ohio State University and it’s fans. It should also bring shame to OSU that they needed to win that way against a team that is extremely untalented according to all the posts I read.
Group 3: When I completed my post I read over it and I said to myself "Wow, this is really over the top." I posted it anyway because it was exactly what I had intended to write and I’m glad you agree with what I said. While I’m about to use this whole experience to prove a point, I would be lying if I acted like my article wasn’t based on what a no talent ass clown I think Greg Oden is.

Alright, so let’s recap what I did with my article. I invoked anger in an opposing schools fans, I took cheap shots at the opposition and I disgraced my own school. That’s why "An Ode To Oden" was such a fitting name for the article. Simply by chance, the article became exactly what Oden is.

A few side notes in response to some posts I read:
- It was a flagrant foul. I don’t see how you can argue that.
- We’ve dominated Dayton so bad in recent years that I think they are starting to like it. I found some latex outfits as well as whips and chains in their closet.
- You can’t bring up how ugly Xavier students are when talking about Greg Oden. I mean really... Have you SEEN Greg Oden?
- Miller should have fouled and I did not address that point because A.) Xavier fans know what loyalty is and B) Thinking about it makes me want to cry.
-Don’t say "Make a fucking foul shot." Justin Cage played one of the greatest basketball games I’ll ever see anyone play. That one foul shot is perhaps the only thing he did wrong all game and he will be missed greatly by Xavier.
- Noone disagreed with, argued with, or even mentioned that I said Adam Morrison is a douche bag. Now that’s strange...

People care what we think?

2007-03-20T14:33:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting in class today when I get a text message that informs me that the superb Deadspin.com picked up a blog post we made last night. This is suprising for multiple reasons:

-it was our first post in months
-Deadspin is an excellent, widely read sports blog
-We run a shitty, half-assed blog that seemingly wouldn't be on Will Leitch's radar screen
-To me at least, "An Ode to Oden" is simply a Xavier student blowing off some steam at an opposing basketball player

Once I sat down and read the comments both on Deadspin and the ones left on our site, I've determined several things, including:

-Many Ohio St. fans read sports blogs a lot
-Many Ohio St. fans have nothing better to do read sports blogs a lot
-Many Ohio St. fans who have nothing better to do than read sports blogs a lot apparently think that they are superior to everyone else, even though it seems like many of them slack off at work and read sports blogs. Ohio St. doesn't teach work ethic or ambition apparently.

Anyway, I think XavierMusketeer said it best on Deadspin, when he noted that "Free Xavier does not speak for all of us." A truer statement has never been made. We here at FreeXavier speak for our own whiny, dickish, selves, and absolutely no one else. If this post had been published in the Xavier Newswire, it would be different. We speak for Xavier University in the same way a boisterous, drunken garbageman speaks for his municipal government. Frankly, anyone who took "An Ode for Oden" seriously probably has an IQ similar to Greg Oden's uniform number.

Go X!

An Ode to Oden

2007-03-20T00:10:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Oden,

You are a big ugly untalented piece of shit. Just because Thad Matta likes it rough when you give it to him up the ass does not give you the right to rough people up in the same manner on the basketball court. I hope you have an allergic reaction to the lube you and your boyfriend use in your next homosexual love fest. There is no doubt in my mind you will follow in the footsteps of the last alleged superstar to face Xavier in the tournament (Adam “douche bag” Morrison) and go on to be one of the worst players in the NBA. Let’s look at the overwhelming similarities already present.

Mr. Oden reminds the lady in pink of her last boyfriend.

Similarity #1: If we are all created in the image and likeness of God, you both were most likely modeled after his taint.

Similarity #2: You are both cheap little bitches on the court. I’m talking Made in Taiwan cheap, dirty smelly hooker cheap, maybe even as cheap as Zoe Oden (that’s his mom for those keeping score at home). In fact, I bet that is why your parents got divorced Greg. Your dad didn’t like her job. I don’t mean to say that it bothered him that she is a dirty whore, just that she was only pulling down $0.75 a day doing it. I can imagine her standing on the corner, perfecting her sales pitch. “Fuck the starving children in third world countries, for just 75 cents a day you can pop this pussy.”

Similarity #3: Neither of you will ever amount to anything. I really hope you do leave for the NBA draft after this year not aware of what an untalented son of a whore you are only to beome the biggest disappointment in the history of OSU. You will undoubtedly do nothing in your life other than break Maurice Clarett’s record as the largest fuck up in your piece of shit school’s history. Then again, why not leave for the NBA. It isn’t like you are you going to learn anything in college anyway. After all, that is why they teach people to read at an early age... It’s a lot harder to pick up later on in life.

Hopefully, you will find someone you can trust to read your contract to you before you sign with any NBA teams. My only advice to you: Don’t pick Thad Matta. Even if you two like to experiment in bed, I guarantee he will fuck you in the ass in a way you didn’t even know was possible.

Sincerely,
Aramis Muskie

P.S. By no means do I have any intention of offending any member of the gay community by comparing them to Greg Oden. I would never want to do such a horrible thing.

Inefficiency at its Finest

2006-12-02T15:49:00.000-04:00

After watching yet another Xavier basketball win today, I have come to the conclusion that the new Xavier commercials are completely worthless. Because I can, here is a point by point break down on why the commercial is ineffective:

Students: What students do they show in this commercial? Other than the token black or Asian student, the only students they show are in the drawings for how the campus will look in 10 years. How about showing more than one student in the commercial? Xavier could actually look more diverse if we showed multiple students around the campus Xavier has today.

A 'real' representation of Xavier students

Campus: Question, does Xavier have a real campus? The answer is yes but because of this amazing recruiting commercial people would think otherwise. The powers that be at X thought it would be a great idea to show what our beautiful campus will look like in the future. If there is one thing I learned in my marketing and advertising classes it is to sell what you have and not what you don’t have. But I guess these simple rules of the market don’t apply to Xavier or they would actually show the campus we have today.

Now there was more, but out of frustration of a crappy commercial, I said screw it. So instead I've decided to recreate what I believe a conversation would be between a prosprective student and his or her parent after they watched that commercial:

Parent: Wow, Xavier looks like a great school sweetheart, you should really check them out.
Apathetic Teen: You can't be serious.
Parent: Of course I am dear, it looked like Xavier has a lot to offer.
Apathetic Teen: That didn't show us anything. All it was, was drawings and a token Asian.
Parent: But those drawings where nice, plus it shows what Xavier will look like in a few years.
Apathetic Teen: Oh, so I'm not going to be at X when all of that is completed. Well if that's the case then, I'd rather go somewhere else.

See Xavier administration, you are already loosing fake prospective students, think about what is happening to real prospective students. I do have some advice for you administration if you are so set in keeping this commercial. My advice is to show it to kids in grade school, mainly because it would allow them to see what Xavier will look like if they decide to come to our poorly managed school.

Basketball at Noon is for suckers

2006-12-02T14:14:00.000-04:00

So I wake up this morning (or afternoon if youre being technical) around 12:30 PM. I put a lot of intoxicants into my body last night, and when I do this, I'm really only capable of performing two tasks in the morning: pissing and eating Cap'N Crunch. So I go to the kitchen to consume a delicious bowl of Cap'N Crunch, and I see my roommate sitting at the breakfast table watching what appears to be a Xavier basketball game.

I assumed I was still hallucinating from last night, because no reasonably intelligent person would ever schedule a college basketball game at a time where most college students are physically/mentally/emotionally incapacitated. Then I saw Stanley Burrell brick an ill-advised, off-balance jumper, and I realized I was definitely watching a Xavier basketball game.

This guy's not going to be a good basketball fan

So why then, would anyone who works for a college, and would theoretically have some concept of the lifestyle of college students, schedule a basketball game at such an early time? I usually don't like to assume that the Xavier Administration is completely mentally retarded, but sometimes they leave me with no choice. If having a rowdy and boisterous student section is as important to the team's success as everyone claims, why would you schedule a game at a time where most students are hungover (averse to noise) or asleep (averse to most everything)?

If you think he's passing, you're crazy

A college student's main concern in the morning should be determining if the person who they woke up next to is as hot as they thought they were last night. It shouldn't be Sean Miller's bizarre substitution patterns, it shouldn't be Stanley Burrell attempting shots that I wouldn't even try in a game of H-O-R-S-E with my 5 year old cousin, and it certainly shouldn't be the referee's myopia.

You know what Xavier? If you're so worried about having a good, active, loud student section, don't schedule games at noon!

Because if you're gonna make me choose between Cap'N Crunch and Xavier Basketball in the morning, Cap'N Crunch is winning everytime.

Xtreme till the End (or until security yells at us)

2006-12-02T00:21:00.000-04:00

Anyone who has been on Xavier’s lovely campus for more than five seconds has undoubtedly seen a myriad of flyers posted around declaring how extreme Xavier’s clubs and groups are and, furthermore, also cleverly leaving the first E off the word extreme so it can start with an X (“Xtreme” for those of you who are a little slow on the uptake). While I do not know how I feel about having more X’s in Xavier club names than on the DVD cases in the box under my bed, I do know how I feel about the accuracy of the word “extreme” in describing our basketball fans.
Extreme, I feel, is an Xceptionally strong word to use to describe our spirit group. That being said, I do not think “Xtreme Fans” is solely to blame for the lack of Xcitation that our crowd displays. There are other key factors in play that keep the student section unXtreme. For one, the security guards play too large a role in the patrolling of the student section. Granted, if any disgruntled Xavier fan ever tried to assassinate D’artagnan, I feel confident that the XUPD would take a bullet for that big foam avenger quicker than anyone. However, when the student section so much as whispers the word “crap,” it seems like the student who spoke such unfiltered filth becomes seconds away from ejection. Every time the students chant “Score, Jesuits, Score” I feel that the security guards fear we are angering the Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and worst of all Hindus (that shit will come back to bite you in the ass in your next life) and that the cheer will be squelched immediately.
Another issue I have is the inability to rush the court. I remember after defeating both Dayton and UC at Cintas over the past few years, the security guards stopped students who tried to jump over the metal gates. They then gave the students a stern talking to about how we should know better. We either need to accept such behavior as the collegiate way of life or else designate an area in Cintas for timeouts. With the latter of the two scenarios, at least we would have somewhere to put Stanley when he misses his 9th three in a row.
The moral of the story for “Xtreme Fans”: Keep up the good work and don’t be held down by the man! Michael Richards may disagree about that last part but don’t let that worry you. Stay strong and cheer the Muskies to victory. Until next time it’s “All for one, and one for all.”

A List of Grievances

2006-11-29T20:47:00.000-04:00

My fellow students,

I love Xavier, I really do, but as of late Xavier has been starting to piss me off. I find that the powers that be are not serving the students as fully as they could and should. So with the spirit of Martin Luther running through my veins, I write to you my list of grievances:

· Cheerleaders: What is the purpose of this fake smiling group? They don’t lead. No one in the student section listens to what they are cheering. The only thing the cheerleaders are good for is making the crowd cheer louder so we can drown out their inane ramblings. The cheerleaders should be called cheerfollowers because of this. Also, what’s with that midget? There should be a height restriction for all cheerleaders. So I propose that all cheerleaders should reach a minimum height of 5’7”. This would take care of the midget cheerleader as well as those twins, because everyone knows that those two can’t cheer worth shit.

· SGA: If there is one thing in this world that pisses me off, it is pretentious pricks. And SGA as a whole is full of them. Why are you all dressed up? What does have to do with anything? Just because you deal with a lot of money doesn’t mean you have to dress like a tool. Here is an idea, dress like a normal student and then people will respect you because god knows, no one does now.

· SAC: I first must state, SAC has done a great job of bringing in top talent to Xavier for entertainment but it is how SAC members act at these big name shows that makes me mad. Attention SAC members, you all are volunteers and that is great, but that doesn’t give you the right to sit on your asses at concerts and shows in the first 3 rows. Just because you gave up of your time to help set up doesn’t mean you get to do nothing when Trey Anastasio and Guster are performing. If you want to do something for students, how about you raffle off those front row seats to real fans. It would allow you to help fund other concerts in the future as well as form a better relationship with the students.

· Black Greek Society: This is just unnecessary. The administration of Xavier uses the excuse of multiple clubs and organizations to not allow a Greek system to be on campus, yet the Office of Multicultural Affairs is allowed to have multiple fraternities and sororities. Does anyone else thing that is fair? The African American population I feel is distanced enough from the rest of the student body; their Greek system just makes the situation worse. Instead of what is already in place, there should be an all or none policy; either everyone can join in the Greek system or no one can.

Now, these aren’t the only things I find wrong with Xavier but I believe they are some of the most important. So you can expect me to write on these subjects at more length as well as other pressing issues in the near future. I will not stand for these grievances to continue and my fellow students, neither should you.

-Porthos-

SAC/SGA should buy us beer

2006-11-29T11:38:00.000-04:00

I am a college student.
I have a limited amount of money.
I am currently hungry.
I drink a lot of beer.
These statements are directly related.

A major component of college life is the consumption of cheap/bad food. Its not like college students have a lot of options when we have a budget of roughly $2 per meal. College students have to be frugal with their food choices, as there are a lot of other things we have to purchase. Of course, when I say "a lot of things" I really mean "beer."

Fig. 1.1 A typical lunch for college students

However, Xavier's Student Government Association (SGA) and Student Activities Council (SAC) seem to have quite a bit of money that they apparently have no idea what to do with. How else would one explain this announcement on the portal:

A Xavier Christmas will be held on Monday, 12/4 beginning at 4:30pm. A live nativity scene with petting zoo animals will be on the greenspace from 4:30-6:30pm; luminaries, free hot coffee and cocoa at 5pm and Gospel Choir performance and speakers Steven Bentley and Father Graham at 5:30pm. Join us inside GSC after the lighting of the Sally Watson tree for pictures with Santa for $1 and free soup.

Just to clarify, SGA/SAC has paid money in order to bring petting zoo animals to a college campus. While I'm sure this would be a smash hit if Xavier had a kindergarten program, I don't necessarily see this event being that popular unless it involved students getting drunk and riding llamas around the greenspace. Unfortunately, this is probably not realistic, and the most exciting thing that will probably happen at this petting zoo/nativity scene is a goat defecating.

Fig. 1.2 A defecating goat

Instead of using their money to purchase defecating goats, SGA/SAC should give students beer. That way, we would be able to use the money in our respective beer funds to purchase food that isn't made from the spare parts of a pig. Its really a win-win for everyone, especially the guy who has to clean up goat shit.

Rocks Don't Get Sympathy From Glass Houses

2006-11-28T14:26:00.000-04:00

After picking up the latest publication of "The Xavier Newswire" this week, there was one article that caught my eye in particular. In the Op-Ed section of the paper, a student wrote in to comment on Xavier's efforts in catering to the GLBT community at Xavier. While the student acknowledged that Xavier has taken steps to accommodate this group of bacon sandwich loving students, he felt that it was possible for more to be done. The complete article entitled "Doing our best?" can be found at "The Xavier Newswire" website and here’s how I feel about it.
First off, let’s have a quick lesson about knowing the audience you are petitioning. I never once heard of Hitler asking for prayers or money from a Jew. Both requests would be ludicrous and, obviously, not granted. That being said, it clearly sounds like a good idea to write into Xavier’s school paper asking for more support for the Catholic church’s favorite thing: homosexuality. (Please overlook recent scandals and take the previous comment as extreme sarcasm.)
Xavier already supports "The Alliance," a group that is "the primary forum for discussion and education of gay issues on campus, as well as being a useful resource for students, faculty, and staff." Hopes that a Catholic institution would more than simply allow efforts for the acceptance of homosexuals in our society either means that you aren’t that intelligent or else you think the Catholic church isn’t that intelligent (It’s really a toss up at this point.)
Furthermore, I recall living in the dorms freshman year and taking a survey where I was asked to state my gender. The options were as follows:
1. Male
2. Female
3. Transgender
4. OTHER!
Xavier University is willing to let the hermaphroditic she-males among us have a voice and that’s not sympathetic enough? My computer, as I type this, doesn’t even understand the word transgender! I have squiggly red lines all over the place because apparently Bill Gates is an unsympathetic, homophobic billionaire.
At this point I need to clarify that I do not hate homosexuals and I definitely enjoy a good BLT from time to time. That being said, let’s not be so touchy about everything. The Alliance doesn’t have it’s own office space because there’s no room right now at Xavier. The group was formed in 2001 and isn’t quite top priority yet. If Xavier really was against homosexuals, they would give The Alliance a really nice office far off campus. Then, they wouldn’t have to see any of you nearly as often as they do now. Society’s acceptance of homosexuals is still in the process. Keep doing what you’re doing and it will all work out one day. Until then, it’s "All for one, and one for all."

The Xavier Hypocrisy

2006-11-28T00:26:00.001-04:00

Welcome to Free Xavier! (.blogspot.com) And more importantly welcome to my (Aramis’) first article. Webster's Dictionary defines the word hypocrisy as...... haha, right. Only high school kids start an article with crap like that and I go to Xavier University so I am as far from highschool as possible, right?
False, as it turns out. Xavier University is simply among the largest highschool's in the nation with a student body more immature and full of shit than most. You would think Facebook was the only medium that gave a damn about Johnny and Melissa being single again (unless Melissa is really hot) and Susie starting the 56th duplicate group about how great "Family Guy" is (unless Susie is really hot). However, as I have come to discover over the years at Xavier, anything that happens in my life is somehow newsworthy to a large number of the Xavier public. I, therefore, feel the need to lay down some ground rules on what is and is not newsworthy in hopes that this standard will catch on with my fellow Muskies. For starters, the following items can be considered newsworthy:
1.) Any student having sex with a professor.
2.) Any information that could potentially get an RA who is a really big asshole fired.
3.) Tortilla soup day in the caf.

"Mmmmmmm."

Now, to outline those items that don't quite make the list of worthy news.
1.) A non-student was confronted by police in the C-1 lot and escorted off campus.
2.) "O my God! I saw Johnny and Melissa holding hands! Maybe they're getting back together."
3.) The act of wiping ones ass.
I feel much better now that I have cleared that up. With that problem addressed I can focus on what the title of the article suggested I would. I have come to discover that, for whatever reason, Xavier students, or the majority thereof, are here under a false pretense: Xavier is a great University.
Xavier is merely a GOOD University with average professors, average academics, average students, and an above average ability to convince people that Xavier is above average. I was a relatively unimpressive student in high school and, while I have enjoyed friends and family thinking I go to a great college, I have yet to be convinced of that myself. That sums up point number one. You are not better than anyone else just because you go to Xavier.
Next, being completely against something is just as much of an extreme as being completely for something. If you are upset about all Miami students being collar popping frat boys, that’s one thing. That does not, however, give you the right to think no one at Xavier can pop their collar. Furthermore, making fun of the 90% of Miami students who participate in Greek life doesn’t make you better. If anything, it makes you jealous. We have no Greek life whatsoever and are just as extreme as our alleged enemies to the north.
That’s really all I have to rant about for now so until next time, it’s "All for one, and one for all."
-Aramis