Tuesday, March 20, 2007

An Ode to Oden

Dear Mr. Oden,

You are a big ugly untalented piece of shit. Just because Thad Matta likes it rough when you give it to him up the ass does not give you the right to rough people up in the same manner on the basketball court. I hope you have an allergic reaction to the lube you and your boyfriend use in your next homosexual love fest. There is no doubt in my mind you will follow in the footsteps of the last alleged superstar to face Xavier in the tournament (Adam “douche bag” Morrison) and go on to be one of the worst players in the NBA. Let’s look at the overwhelming similarities already present.













Mr. Oden reminds the lady in pink of her last boyfriend.

Similarity #1:
If we are all created in the image and likeness of God, you both were most likely modeled after his taint.

Similarity #2: You are both cheap little bitches on the court. I’m talking Made in Taiwan cheap, dirty smelly hooker cheap, maybe even as cheap as Zoe Oden (that’s his mom for those keeping score at home). In fact, I bet that is why your parents got divorced Greg. Your dad didn’t like her job. I don’t mean to say that it bothered him that she is a dirty whore, just that she was only pulling down $0.75 a day doing it. I can imagine her standing on the corner, perfecting her sales pitch. “Fuck the starving children in third world countries, for just 75 cents a day you can pop this pussy.”

Similarity #3: Neither of you will ever amount to anything. I really hope you do leave for the NBA draft after this year not aware of what an untalented son of a whore you are only to beome the biggest disappointment in the history of OSU. You will undoubtedly do nothing in your life other than break Maurice Clarett’s record as the largest fuck up in your piece of shit school’s history. Then again, why not leave for the NBA. It isn’t like you are you going to learn anything in college anyway. After all, that is why they teach people to read at an early age... It’s a lot harder to pick up later on in life.

Hopefully, you will find someone you can trust to read your contract to you before you sign with any NBA teams. My only advice to you: Don’t pick Thad Matta. Even if you two like to experiment in bed, I guarantee he will fuck you in the ass in a way you didn’t even know was possible.

Sincerely,
Aramis Muskie

P.S. By no means do I have any intention of offending any member of the gay community by comparing them to Greg Oden. I would never want to do such a horrible thing.

46 comments:

Athos said...

Which term best describes Greg Oden: douchebag, neanderthal or meathead? Discuss.

Ryan said...

How about Xavier fans quit their crying and accept the fact that they lost. They are a crappy team who lost to a great one.

It happens every day...and you don't hear the other crappy teams across the country pissing and moaning about it

Anonymous said...

Wow. Jealousy is never pretty. Just because your team chokes doesn't mean that you need to have this level of hostility toward Oden.

Anonymous said...

The fact that the refs didn't call three fouls against Xavier before the Oden foul trumps the hard foul.

Oh, and make a free throw. Hold a 9 point lead with 9 minutes to go.

Here's a tissue.

The Intern said...

Clearly achieving a sixth grade reading level isn't required by Xavier admissions, not that I expected differently. We are all dumber for having read that.

kevin said...

man am i glad i'm not an xavier fan. that would suck.

and why the hell would thad matta want to leave xavier, where he has zero chance of ever winning a championship and zero chance of ever getting a top recruit, to go to ohio state where he can almost hand pick his players and where he has a great chance to win a championship after only a few years. you idiot thad!

The Intern said...

Requiring approval? You guys are pussies.

Anonymous said...

how about "sweet 16 participant"?

make a free throw assbag.

Anonymous said...

tell your loser team to

A) make your free throws

B) FOUL when you are up THREE with 9 FUKIN SEECONDS left!!

C) win the game in overtime

If you had better coaching and/or better players, we wouldn't be having this discussion and you and your fans wouldn't be so bitter/whiny/jealous today. Loser.

Anonymous said...

You guys fouled the crap out of him. Give me a break. Stop crying because your coaches retardedness loss the game for you.

Anonymous said...

Reeeeeal nice. Attacking the Mom of an 18-year old kid just because he nerd tossed some no one from your whack ass school who will be making me cheese fries in a year.

Oden is a GREAT kid, probably just doesn't know his own strenght...and don't tell me for one second that kid didn't flop.

By the way, Oden had over a 3.5 GPA in high school in all AP classes. Keep talking ladies....

Anonymous said...

you stay classy, xavier

Herringbone said...

No offense, but concentrating on one foul is pretty short-sighted.

If you wanted to concentrate on the whole game and the fouls that should have been called, Coach Miller would have been playing against Oden in the post, as the rest of the team would have already fouled out...imo

Anonymous said...

Where the fuck is Xavier?

Anonymous said...

Jealous much?

Anonymous said...

Of course you wont publish this because you are a raging piece of bird shit. Get over IT. YOU LOST!!. You had your chance. IF YOUR DUMBASS OF A PLAYER WOULD HAVE HIT HIS LAST FREE THROW, you wouldnt have given this issue a second thought. MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT, AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE

Anonymous said...

Scoreboard. Keep crying bitches.

Xavier is Thad Matta's Bitch said...

Its funny that Xavier had the chance wrap up the game if Cage could just hit 2 free throws under pressure, OSU would never had a chance to tie it. Plus, why don't you foul in the backcourt, so there isn't even a chance to take the three?

Then the mighty Xavier had a chance to prove how much better they are when Mr. Oden fouled out, but you shit the bed and watched Conley smoke you for 5 minutes.

Enjoy your off-season guys...

Anonymous said...

I hate Ohio State. Could care less about Oden.

But really - you sound like a whiny fucking cunt. sack up, nancy. you lost. get the fuck over it. oden smacked the fuck outta your guy, who went down like your dad obviously went down on you every thursday night after getting liquored up and losing his money in his weekly poker game.

going after oden's family, just because you havent gotten pussy since xavier last went to the final four? weak. fucking weak.

shut your pussy motherfucking dipshit mouth. lest people suspect what most already know - you are a mouth-breathing, yellow bus taking, stupid motherfucker

proves something though, your post:

if you cant get into ohio state, go to xavier. if you cant get into xavier, kill yourself

and please, do.

oh, nd fuck the yankees. just because.

Anonymous said...

Hey Xavier, Sorry I banged your girlfriend. - Ron Lewis' 3-pointer

Anonymous said...

Everything to do with Xavier's loss: Greg Oden.

Absolutely NOTHING to do with Xavier's loss: Their inability to score points in the last three minutes of regulation and not showing up in overtime.

Anonymous said...

Ohio State 78
Xavier 71

Go home and cry about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4YQxsoZfnk

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are an idiot.

Rick Tocchet's Bookie said...

Call Greg Oden whatever you want; he wins because whenever Ohio State's tournament ends, he doesn't go home to Cincinnati.

Anonymous said...

You make your university proud. And if your assertions about Oden's mother are true, she is making 50 percent more than your mother on rare day that she showered.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if your coach knew his elbows from his asshole he would have fouled after the miss free throw, thus giving OSU no chance at a 3 pt basket....in that case, you would have to find something else to cry about.

Anonymous said...

Oden spelled backwards NEDO... You guys nedo get a life! Go Bucks!

David said...

Sorry a$$ losers.....hahaha

Anonymous said...

post people's comments, you fucking pussy

Ron Lewis said...

If the little bitch made the free throws...nobody would be saying anything.

whipjacka said...

Your personal insults towards Oden are ridiculous and Petty. Grow up sir.

Anonymous said...

Crybaby bitches.

Maybe your own player shouldn't have choked on the free throw line. Then you would have made it to the next round, and this Xavier team could have been called one of the greatest of all time because YOU FINALLY MADE IT TO THE SWEET SIXTEEN. YEAAAA!!!!!


That little bitch flopped anyways.

Anonymous said...

Poor Zavier.

You had your shot at the big time and you blew it. Because you're bitches. And blowing it is what bitches do best.

Anonymous said...

You are the lowest form of life. I can see that you make a sick attempt to be edgy and funny but, it was completely out of line and not funny. Do us all a favor and take a good hard look at yourself in mirror and do some soul searching. We have enough unfunny keyboard tough guys on the internet.

Anonymous said...

This page is an embarrassment to Xavier University. Whomever did this should be ashamed of themselves.

Anonymous said...

Why is Ohio State so GAY??????

Anonymous said...

If Oden beats down some nobody, or OSU beats down a piss poor team...does some whiny bitch make a blog insulting the best player in the nation? A player that has more talent in his surgically repaired right wrist than Xavier has in their entire school.

A question for the ages right up there with "if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?"

Anonymous said...

Justin Doellman wears a merkin...and Xavier blows...

Bloat Dastardly said...

Wow. I was going to post something clever/scathing but everyone on the innernets beat me to it.

Oh well...

For what its worth:
Scoreboard, bitches.

Arab said...

Its ok make fun of Xavier now. When you guys are working for us in 10 years you'll still have the win over us, but not your dignity.

German Village Media said...

Um. Everyone who graduates from Xavier lives in Covington, Ky. and eats at Big Boy.

Remember that one hot chick who graduated from Xavier? Me neither. Ever.

I know I got my six-figure job because my diploma said "The Ohio State University" and people knew what it meant. When they see "Xavier" they usually say, "where is that? (Kentucky)" or "Is that a high school?"

But the best thing is that Greg Oden actually still was banging Xavier's girlfriend when he blocked that shot last night to win the game.

When's XU play this weekend?

Anonymous said...

hey everybody from cincy, someone from ohio state said "stay classy". huh.... fuck u bitches and go catch something on fire or flip some cars over... badasses

Matt Barker said...

Here's a photo right before the foul. No wonder Josh Duncan got shoved to the floor. He got what he deserved.

As someone who attended both institutions, Xavier University and The Ohio State University, it saddens me to hear all of the foul-mouthed bashing that has come from XU students and their basketball fans alike.

XU had their chances to win and blew it. But to make fun of Greg Oden, another college student that you don't know personally, is a crime.

Yeah, you little blog was seen on "Deadspin," now your 15 minutes of fame is over. Go back to flippin' burgers!

For prospective college students, maybe you should look into Mount St. Joe's or Dayton. It isn’t like you are you going to learn anything at Xavier anyway, and you can hang with a better class of people.

Does Aramis mean "obnoxious asshole" in Spanish?

Anonymous said...

God damn Jehovah's witnesses....

badger said...

Hi, keep ripping this Xavier jerk but please don't drag the state of Kentucky into this nastiness by trying to associate them with this jerk... hey X want a little cheese with your Whine?
You sound like you have some sand in your vagina, that's too bad (it's painful and makes you bithcy doesn't it)
Luckily for Oden and his family they don't give a crap what a little punk like you thinks. But thanks for opening the door for the rest of us to give you the same treatment

badger said...

Hi jerk, sorry about the typos in the last post....I was so worried about the sand in your vagina I forgot to spellcheck